Loneliness

i dont want this to be real
every friday night
its just loneliness that i feel

soon as i realise
youre spending time with him
no matter how happy i was
my life suddenly feels grim

you wont even
tell me good night
dont have the time
i guess thats alright

if only i
wouldve treated you right
back when i had the chance
i could now hold you tight

i miss you dearly
from week to week
id wish you near me
so i could go to sleep

Im sorry If this is in any way dark or gives Off a Bad vibe.

Down to earth

to be loved by you
feels just like flying
so easy so light
i could never be crying

to be loved by you
is the most beatiful thing
the warmth you give
like no melody sings

to be loved by you
i cannot describe it
cant wrap it in words
i would never hide it

to be loved by you
is a precious experience
to bad that it stopped
cause of my inconvenience

to not be loved by you
is the most humbling thing
to be back „down to earth“
my heart longs for your wings

to not be loved by you
taught me so many things
i cant wish, i cant hope
i have to earn my blessings.

You asked „how are You“

talking to you
like a knife to my heart
i dont want to miss you
so i am trying real hard

i know we still have
things to talk about
but you couldve just read
my poems, they shout

my feelings for you
in every situation
said that over text
you dont want confrontation

thats okay with me
i wanted to meet
to talk face to face
but now i cant take

the pressure that built up
over all this time
im nervous just thinking
you him intertwined

dont know what ill say
or if i can stay calm
the pressure is high
i dont want to do harm

ive done much already
and youre now with him
my voice suppressed, heavy
our future seems grim

from day to day more scared
how this will turn out
no chance to show and share
what im really about

no second chance for me
gave your heart away
cause you didnt just leave
you want to there stay

After a couple nights of Not Chatting the Girl i Love asked me how i was, so Here what i felt in that Moment. Weve talked over the Phone a couple days Later and she actually Managed to make me feel better about the whole Situation, while telling me why and how exactly she feels the way she feels. It Hurts but i can understand the way she Acts. Shes so reasonable, thats why she is so Special to me. I dont want to give her Up, but i have to Respect her choices.

My ignorance.

so you cant see past my problems
i get it its okay they aint your fault
just the fact that you do love him
not two months after we part

that aint really been to nice
i gottay say i must admit
you aint even thinking twice
on how i feel or how ive been

you say you wanna listen to me
just not now so much has happened
oh so im just supposed to see
how you ,with him, get your happy end?

no i dont think so that aint fair
you know youd probably regret
decisions were made without care
no ear for what i wouldve said

because the things i wouldve said
you probably would say im right
youd understand and then regret
but you dont want make him cry

and just because he is the new guy
you will stay there be with him
instead of coming back to the guy
who showed you whats love to begin
with.

I dont entirely stand behind These words anymore. But its what i wrote and felt in that Moment so i still was gonna Post it. Thank You to everyone who is reading and shares their opinion. 🙂

So i Tried to Rap?

its a tough situation that i find myself in
the only person that i talk to just wont be listening
to all my problems cause she already has a new boyfriend
so she wont bother doesnt think about the way im feelin

well you can already guess that it aint been to nice
be finding out you just moved on and put your feelings on ice
aint even miss me for a second you just deharmonize
i know i gotta build my strong so i can see better days

now listen here i wont stay gone ill make sure you wont forget me
im gonna be right by your side whenever you holla at me
i done fucked up but wont give up im gonna fight for you baby
its not a simp thing its true love, whatever dont even @ me
she is the first thing and the last thing that i think of when i be
layin in bed or just be sad forever ill be your safety
i still remember whenever you gave the most love when hugging
no matter who will come at you i knock him cold out like rocky, stop me
just trying to cope with a whole new situation
never got love over a girl that gave me heartamputation
these days im tending to myself and focus on meditation
cause i know im gonna get far youll hear me on radio stations
im gonna talk about the time that i lost the
perfect „mädchen“
you gonna miss me, when you do as i said early already
just message me and ill call you we gonna build this shit steady
lingering on my mind heavy
already know that im ready
my legs for weeks like spaghetti
fucking dump him and take back me.

Hello, old friend.

theres somebody inside my head
he wishes for me to be dead
i feel him trying second thing in bed
pulling the trigger without end

ive had this feeling for so long
i feel the barrel scratching on
my skull i know that it is wrong
not true but still its there so strong

the gun that he wants me to have
so i wont ever misbehave
holding it against my head all times
screaming loud and pulling oftentimes

sometimes i even have to flinch
because i really feel it pinch
the skin that is beneith my hair
i hope this gun ill never wear.

Just give me some time please?

do you really wanna tell me youre now gone
got someone else, youre moving on
why would you do that
my feelings are still really strong
and i know that ive done somethings wrong
but you know i was working on it
so give me some time to sort it
out and get my shit together
so that we can be together
and forget about all the bad weather
the trouble, worries or whatever
make you feel light, just like a feather
im gonna carry you wherever
sit on my shoulder,
your feet? wont need em ever
again ill be there forever
to hold your hand make you feel better
from being sick, scared or treaten bad
just know that ill be by your side
forever ready to hold your hand.

Do You think about me still?

do you think about me still?
when youre alone with him

do you think about me still?
often times didnt say goodnight

do you think about me still?
just like when you were with him

do you think about me still?
though i was the one you then held tight.

you dont think about me still
i know that and its like being killed

This feels Like dying.

they way you treat me
hurts like dying
although for you
i try to be smiling

you dont want to see
they way i feel
you need to feel free
thats your whole deal

whenever you
would see me suffer
i know youd hurt
but will not bother

because youre free
and that is good
you wont by me
get dragged to would

or could or should
its understood
i just cant seem
to get a grip for good.

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